More Information About 5 Relationship Faux Pas

Relationships are tricky and take work to maintain. Though it’s natural to blame the other person, typically both parties have contributed to a relationship’s demise. Because it’s often hard to stay objective after—or during— massive heartbreak, here are five missteps you may have made (we certainly have):

Criticizing your partner: There’s a difference between airing a grievance and attacking his character—fighting dirty is never a good idea.

Avoiding confrontation: You’re not helping your relationship by avoiding the issues.Starting up the conversation may seem scary and leave you vulnerable, but it will be worth it in the end.

Ignoring the distance: We all get caught up in our own lives sometimes and can forget to pay special attention to our loved ones. Planning a fun night in to catch up can make all the difference.

Keeping score: A little competition is okay, unless you’re arguing, then it’s dangerous. Instead of trying to prove that you’re right and he’s wrong, try to collaborate. By leaving the need to win on the tennis court, you might both get what you want.

Lashing out: According to Dr. John Gottman, cofounder of the Gottman Institute, couples who have five positive interactions to every one negative are happy and fulfilled. Before you lash out, do the math.

Know More About Some Things He’s Thinking But Won’t Say Out Loud

1. “Your family really scares me.” Either the constant contact, or the gruff father, or the crazy sister… there’s some aspect here that he will never name (you don’t mess with a girl’s family) but it scares the sh*t out of him.

2. “I’m not sure how good I am at that sex thing you seem to enjoy.” Whatever “that thing” may be, however much you’ve encouraged or praised it, he’s still not sure if he’s a pro at it and feels a little self-conscious each time. The female body is an elaborate and wondrous thing.

3. “I’m not 100% where I want to be professionally.” Who is, really? Even if he’s wildly successful he’ll still have ambition to continue to climb whatever ladder he’s on. The more a man says how amazing he’s doing professionally, the more insecure he usually is about it.

4. “I have a body complex as well.” He sucks in his gut every time he takes off his shirt and hopes you don’t notice.

5. “I have occasional doubts about us.” No one in a relationship is 100 percent sure all of the time. Mostly he’s head over heels for you, but once in a blue moon he does a double take while contemplating your future.

6. “Playing with my friend’s kid completely triggers my paternal instinct.” He doesn’t want to freak you out, and he’s not necessarily ready for kids—but damn is that baby cute.

7. “He’s scared to say ‘I love you’ first, too.” Unless you get him drunk. Then he might just blurt out “I love you,” on the third date. True story.

8. “I am completely in love with your [insert strange trait here].” There is one thing about you that every time he sees or hears it he softens a little bit inside. But that’s his secret, and maybe it’s okay that he keeps that particular treasured act to himself.

Tips to Survive a Breakup with a Non-Boyfriend

Boy meets girl. The chemistry is undeniable—you think about him constantly, and every text sends your heart aflutter. But that’s where the classic love story ends. For whatever reason, it doesn’t work out. Things are over, even though you were never officially a couple.

Breaking up with a guy you cared about, even if he wasn’t technically yours, can be every bit as painful as the end of a committed relationship. Your friends tell you to brush it off and move on. Denying yourself time to process what happened, however, can leave you stuck in that terrible can’t-move-on hole. Here’s what to do:

Cry like it’s a breakup, because it is. So what if you weren’t Facebook official? You put time and feelings into this man, so give yourself time to wallow. It definitely helps to binge-watch your favorite TV show and splurge for the good takeout.

Delete his number. And his voicemails. And clear your texts. Reading back through old conversations, trying to figure out what went wrong, is pointless. Things didn’t end because of a single text message you sent a week ago.

Rejoice that you don’t have to change your relationship status to single. Cue your Facebook friends messaging you their apologies, asking what happened, and you having to repeat your story on your feed to everyone to see. There’s always a silver lining.

Treat him like an ex. Just because you haven’t had a long, committed relationship doesn’t mean you have to be okay with seeing him. Take some space.

Don’t feel pressured to go out that night. Yes, a good red wine is magical. But one glass too many and eight incoherent texts about why you love him will seem like a great idea. Diving headfirst back into the dating pool is not healthy. Instead, take time to hang out with your friends and focus on yourself.

Beautify. There’s definitely something to getting a mani/pedi or a blowout to really get your game back.

Call your mom. Or Dad, or that aunt who really gets you. They’re mind-blowingly great at putting things in perspective. Bonus: They’ll be happy to remind you how awesome you are.

Make a list of why he wasn’t right for you. You’ll be surprised at how long it will be.

Focus on what you deserve, not why he didn’t work out. Never introduced you to his friends? The right guy will want to show you off.

Accept that he wasn’t Mr. Right. Staring at the phone, wishing his name would flash across your screen, you felt like he was the one. It seemed like destiny. But it wasn’t. How do we know? Because if he were The One, he would never have let you go.